When the negative cycle appears in session, the therapist stops the process and names it: "Here it is, your dance. Let us slow down and look at what is happening".
Step-by-step guide
- Watch the interaction — track the signals of the cycle starting
- When the cycle has launched — stop: "Wait. Let us stop. What is happening now?"
- Name: "See? Here is your dance. [Name] starts to advance, [name] retreats"
- Slow down: "Let us look at what each of you is feeling right now"
- Show each their role — without blame: "You are both trying to cope, but your ways are opposite"
- Ask: "What is needed to stop this dance right now?"
When to use
- Every time the cycle appears in session
- The central skill of the EFT therapist
Key phrases
Wait. Let us stop. What is happening now?
Follow-up questions
See? Here is your dance. [Name] starts to advance, [name] retreats.
Let us look at what each of you is feeling right now.
You are both trying to cope, but your ways are opposite.
What is needed to stop this dance right now?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not allow long escalation in session
- ⚠️ The earlier you catch the cycle — the better
Source: Johnson, S. (2004)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.