Working with Pretend Mode

A technique for working with the non-mentalizing mode in which the client's thoughts and feelings are detached from reality. The client may seem to be "mentalizing well" — uses psychological language, builds complex explanations — but these reflections are not connected with real emotional experience. This is "mentalization in a vacuum" (hypermentalization). The client says the right words but does not feel what they are talking about.

Step-by-step guide

1. Recognize markers: verbosity without emotional content, "smart" explanations, long abstract reasoning, the sense of an "empty" conversation in the therapist
2. Pay attention to your own sensations: boredom, loss of concentration — indicators of pretend mode
3. Gently interrupt the abstract reasoning: "Wait. I notice that we are saying many interesting things, but I have lost contact with what you feel"
4. Bring back to the concrete experience: "Let us go back to a concrete moment. What was happening with you when.?"
5. Ask to describe bodily sensations: "What do you feel in the body right now?"
6. If the client switches back to abstractions — gently bring back to the concrete again

When to use

• When the conversation feels "empty" to the therapist — many words, few feelings
• When the client uses psychological jargon without real contact with emotions
• When the therapist catches themselves in boredom or loss of attention

Key phrases

Follow-up questions

Alternative phrasings