A technique for working with the non-mentalizing mode in which the client only recognizes observable, physical actions and outcomes as real. Mental states do not "count" — only concrete deeds matter. Self-harm in the teleological mode can be an attempt to influence others through visible action. Suicide attempts can reflect teleological logic: "Only if I do something serious will they understand".
Step-by-step guide
- Recognize markers: a demand for concrete actions as proof of feelings, the devaluing of words, self-harm as communication
- Validate the client's need for concrete proofs: "I understand that for you it is important to see real confirmations"
- Gently bring attention to the fact that thoughts and feelings are also real: "I am curious why words seem insufficient"
- Link the teleological stance to the history of attachment: "Were there situations in your life when words really meant nothing?"
- Model the value of inner states through your own stance
When to use
- When the client evaluates the relationship exclusively through concrete actions
- When self-harm or destructive behavior is used as a way of communication
- When the client demands "proofs" of care from the therapist through concrete actions
Key phrases
I hear that for you words have no meaning — only deeds matter. Tell me more about this.
Follow-up questions
I am curious — if he had told you that he loved you but had not done anything concrete, would that not count?
Were there people in your life whose words you could trust?
Alternative phrasings
When you cut yourself, did you want something to change on the outside? For someone to see?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not moralize about self-harm — inquire into its function
- ⚠️ Do not enter into arguments "words vs deeds" — first understand the client's logic
- ⚠️ The teleological stance can be especially stubborn — the work requires patience
- ⚠️ Take safety into account: if self-harm is life-threatening — first the crisis protocol
Source: Bateman A.W. Fonagy P. (2004, 2016); Fonagy P. (2002). Affect Regulation, Mentalization, and the Development of the Self
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.