Training in the skill of accepting the partner's viewpoint and influence instead of resistance and control — a key predictor of stability.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain: couples in which both accept each other's influence are markedly more stable
- Explore: "In which topics is it easy to take your partner's view into account? In which is it hard?"
- Identify the pattern: who insists more often? Who yields more often?
- Practice: restate the partner's position so that they say "Yes, exactly"
- Find one topic on which influence can be accepted this week
- Discuss: what gets in the way of accepting influence? Fear of losing control? Disrespect?
When to use
- When one partner dominates, or in power asymmetry in the couple
Key phrases
Accepting influence does not mean giving in. It means letting your partner's view change even one small thing — a plan, a decision, a way of doing. This week, one topic, yours. Who picks?
Follow-up questions
Where does accepting influence feel costly?
Where has it felt good — and what did that give you?
What would it take to restate your partner's view so exactly that they say "yes, that"?
What is one low-stakes topic for this week's practice?
Alternative phrasings
If yielding has felt like submission in the past, we unpack that first.
Influence flows in both directions — we watch the balance.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Gottman's research showed that the unwillingness to accept the wife's influence is one of the strongest predictors of divorce.
Source: Gottman J. & Silver N. 1999; Gottman J. 2011
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.