A structured exercise in which each partner shares their deep vulnerability — what they most fear in the relationship. The second one listens without comment.
Step-by-step guide
- Build a safe setting: "Now we will try something hard. Each of you will speak about your deepest vulnerability in the relationship"
- Rules: the listener does not interrupt, does not comment, does not defend. Only listens
- First partner: "What I most fear in our relationship is."
- The therapist may help: "Can you say more about what stands behind this fear?"
- Second partner: "What do you feel hearing this?"
- Switch roles. At the end: "What new did you learn about each other?"
When to use
- When a level of safety has been reached
- As a deepening of empathic joining
Key phrases
What I most fear in our relationship is.
Follow-up questions
Can you say more about what stands behind this fear?
The listener does not interrupt, does not comment, does not defend. Only listens.
What do you feel hearing this?
What new did you learn about each other?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not force. If the partner is not ready — that is their right
- ⚠️ Come back when safety is enough
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.