The partner deliberately reproduces the "problem" behavior at home by agreement. This lowers the trigger's emotional charge and gives both the experience of managing the reaction.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain the idea: "This week one of you will deliberately do [the problem behavior]. The other will not know whether it is real or not"
- Agree on the limits: what is allowed to imitate and what is not
- The partner picks the moment and imitates the behavior — or does not
- The second partner observes their reaction: "Did I react the same way or differently?"
- At the next session discuss: was the behavior real or imitation? How did it feel?
- Discuss: what changed when you were not sure whether it was real or not?
When to use
- When the reaction to the behavior is automatic and disproportionate
- When the trigger needs to be "desensitized"
Key phrases
This week one of you will deliberately do [the problem behavior]. The other will not know whether it is real or not.
Follow-up questions
Did I react the same way or differently?
Was the behavior real or imitation? How did it feel?
What changed when you were not sure whether it was real or not?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not use with painful or traumatic behavior
- ⚠️ Both must agree and feel safe
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.