Therapy is not what the therapist "does to" the client, but a mutual inquiry that both lead together. Both partners are "in the conversation", both ask questions, are surprised, reflect. The therapist brings the expertise of the process and the space; the client brings the expertise of their own life. Mutual inquiry generates "local knowledge" that did not exist before this conversation. Anderson (2012) describes this as a conversation in which both participants leave changed.
Step-by-step guide
- Take the position "we are looking at this together", not "I am studying you"
- Voice your questions and puzzlements out loud — not only ask the client
- Allow the client to ask you questions — and answer honestly
- Notice moments of joint discovery: "Oh, I had not thought about it that way"
- Do not rush to conclusions — value the unfinishedness as part of the process
When to use
- Throughout the whole therapy as a base stance
- At impasses, when the usual interventions are not working
- When the client expects the therapist to give an "answer" — to redefine the role
- In complex, ambiguous life situations without a "right" answer
Key phrases
I am interested in inquiring into this together with you. I do not know the answer to this question myself — let us think together.
What might we have missed in looking at this?
Follow-up questions
For me this is also a new turn. Where does it lead?
I am not sure — what do you think?
Let us look at it from one more side.
Alternative phrasings
This is interesting for both of us — I am also curious where it will lead us.
I do not claim to know the answer here. But together, perhaps, we will see something.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not simulate not-knowing where the therapist actually knows something important (signs of crisis, risks)
- ⚠️ Mutuality does not mean the therapist loses professional responsibility
- ⚠️ Do not use "we are searching together" as a way to avoid the professional role when structure is requested
Source: Anderson, H. 1997; Anderson, H. 2012
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.