Not-Knowing Stance — Collaborative Learning Conversations

The therapist enters the conversation without prepared hypotheses, diagnoses, or "correct" interpretations. Not-knowing is not pretended ignorance but a deliberate readiness to be informed by the client themselves. The therapist brackets their own certainty, leaving room for understanding to arise within this conversation. It is a state of active presence: "I am taking part in the conversation that is happening here, not in the one I brought from outside". Anderson and Goolishian called this the "multiplicity of knowledge" — the client has knowledge of their own life that the therapist does not have.

Step-by-step guide

Before the session or at its start: notice your assumptions about the client — and consciously "set them aside"
Enter the conversation with sincere curiosity: "What exactly does this person mean?"
Ask clarifying questions not to test a hypothesis but to better understand the meaning the client puts in
If an interpretation arises in your head — share it as a hypothesis, not a conclusion
Allow your understanding to change as the conversation unfolds

When to use

In every session as the base stance
When working with "chronic" or "diagnosed" clients, where there is a risk of locking in the label
When you notice that you are starting to "lead" the client to a foregone conclusion
At the first meeting — to create a space of openness
When the habitual hypothesis about the client has stopped working

Key phrases

I want to make sure I understand correctly — what do you mean when you say ".."? (insert the client's word)

Tell me more about it. I do not want to assume that I have already understood.

Follow-up questions

I am interested in your experience of this, not in what I think about it.

This word — how do you understand it? For me it might mean something different from what it means for you.

What do you mean when you describe it precisely this way?

Alternative phrasings

It is important for me not to miss anything in what you are saying. Can you tell me in more detail?

I notice that I already have some thought about it — but I want to hear you first.

Warnings

⚠️ Not-knowing does not mean passivity — the therapist actively thinks, listens, and participates, just not from the position of an expert
⚠️ Not-knowing must not be used as a justification for inaction in a crisis (suicide, violence)
⚠️ Do not simulate not-knowing — it must be sincere, otherwise the client feels the incongruence

Source: Anderson, H. & Goolishian, H. 1992; Anderson, H. 1997