A step-by-step protocol for joint solving of concrete problems: from defining the problem through generating solutions to the agreement and the check.
Step-by-step guide
- Define one concrete problem — not "our relationship", but "the distribution of household chores"
- Each one expresses their feelings and needs about it (by the speaker–listener rules)
- Generate solutions: any ideas, without criticism, all are written down
- Evaluation: for each solution — does it suit both? What do you like, what do you not?
- Choose one solution and a concrete plan: who, what, when does what
- Check after a week: how did it work? Need to adjust?
When to use
- For solvable problems (not eternal ones)
- After the emotional tension is lowered
Key phrases
Define one concrete problem — not 'our relationship', but 'the distribution of household chores'.
Follow-up questions
Generate solutions: any ideas, without criticism.
Choose one solution and a concrete plan: who, what, when.
Check after a week: how did it work? Need to adjust?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not move to problem-solving until both feel heard
- ⚠️ Premature solving is a form of avoidance
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.