The social dimension (Mitwelt — "being-with-others") holds a special place for van Deurzen. She inquires how the client builds and experiences relationships: where they are rooted in belonging, where they experience loneliness, where they "lose themselves" for the sake of another. The therapeutic relationship itself becomes living material for inquiry — as a model of how the client is present in relationships in general. Special attention is paid to existential loneliness as the basis of authentic closeness.
Step-by-step guide
- Inquire into the client's important relationships: with whom they are close, with whom in conflict, whom they avoid
- Identify patterns: how does the client "enter" relationships? What do they expect? What do they fear?
- Inquire into the balance between closeness and autonomy: where do they lose themselves, where do they withdraw to the point of isolation
- Use the therapeutic relationship as living material: "What is happening between us right now?"
- Inquire into existential loneliness: the capacity to be with oneself as the basis of authentic closeness with another
When to use
- With difficulties in relationships — conflicts, ruptures, misunderstandings
- With loneliness and social isolation
- With dependent patterns — merging, loss of self
- When working with ruptures and the loss of relationships
- When the therapeutic relationship reproduces the client's patterns
Key phrases
Who is important for you in life? What do these relationships give you — and what do they require of you?
Follow-up questions
Where in relationships do you feel that you lose yourself?
What happens for you when you are completely alone?
What is happening between us at this moment — do you notice it?
Alternative phrasings
In which relationships can you be yourself — and in which do you put on a mask?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Work with relationships in existential therapy differs from psychodynamic work: the focus is not on transference as such, but on how relationships reveal the client's worldview
- ⚠️ Be careful with interpretations of the therapeutic relationship — they must be phenomenologically grounded, not imposed
- ⚠️ Do not force work with existential loneliness — it requires significant trust
Source: van Deurzen E. 1997, 2002, 2012
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.