The partner deliberately reproduces the "problem" behavior in session under controlled conditions. This lowers the second partner's reactivity and helps to see the behavior in context.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain the aim: "We will try to reproduce your conflict here, in session, under safe conditions"
- Ask one partner to show the "problem" behavior — how it looks at home
- Ask the second to notice their reaction: "What do you feel now? What do you want to do?"
- Discuss: "This behavior — is it dangerous or just unpleasant? Can you live with it?"
- Switch roles — let each one try to be "in the other's shoes"
- Discuss: what new did each one see from the other role?
When to use
- When the reaction to the partner's behavior is disproportionate
- When the emotional charge of a habitual trigger needs to be lowered
Key phrases
We will try to reproduce your conflict here, in session, under safe conditions.
Follow-up questions
What do you feel now? What do you want to do?
Is this behavior dangerous or just unpleasant? Can you live with it?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not use with behavior linked to violence or trauma
- ⚠️ Make sure both partners feel safe
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.