A detailed tracking of the chain: trigger → interpretation → soft emotion → hard reaction → partner's reaction → amplification. Helps to see the choice points.
Step-by-step guide
- Pick a concrete conflict and walk through the chain
- Trigger: "What concretely happened? What did you see/hear?"
- Interpretation: "How did you take it? What did you think?"
- Soft emotion: "What did you feel in the first moment — before the anger?"
- Hard reaction: "What did you do? How did you react?"
- Partner's response: "And you? What did you feel and do?"
- Show: "Here you could have chosen another path. Which one?"
When to use
- When debriefing concrete conflicts
- To teach self-observation
Key phrases
What concretely happened? What did you see/hear?
Follow-up questions
How did you take it? What did you think?
What did you feel in the first moment — before the anger?
Here you could have chosen another path. Which one?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Focus on the process, not on the content
- ⚠️ It does not matter who is right — it matters how the chain works
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.