Each partner writes a letter describing what they accept in the other — including what they used to want to change. The letters are read in session.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain the task: "Write a letter to the partner in which you describe what you accept in them"
- Include both the easy (what you always liked) and the hard (what was irritating, but you are learning to accept)
- Describe why this trait is part of the person you chose
- Read the letters to each other in session
- Discuss: what moved you? What was unexpected?
- Suggest keeping the letters — to reread in hard moments
When to use
- In the middle or closing phase of therapy
- When the level of acceptance has risen and needs to be consolidated
Key phrases
Write a letter to your partner in which you describe what you accept in them.
Follow-up questions
Include both what you always liked and what was irritating but you are learning to accept.
Describe why this trait is part of the person you chose.
What moved you? What was unexpected?
Warnings
- ⚠️ If the letter contains hidden blame ("I accept that you never.") — help to reformulate
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.