A structured working-through of a specific episode when one partner was not there at a critical moment. "When I was at my worst — you were not there."
Step-by-step guide
- Identify the injury: "Is there a moment you cannot forgive? When trust was broken?"
- Give space to the hurt one: "Tell me what happened. What did you feel back then?"
- Help the wounded partner express the pain of the attachment betrayal
- Address the offending one: "Do you hear this pain? What is happening for you?"
- Help the offending one express remorse and understanding: "Can you say: 'I understand how much it hurt you'?"
- Create the corrective experience: the offending one "shows up" alongside the other's pain — without defenses, without justifications
When to use
- When progress is blocked by a specific event
- Usually at the restructuring stage
Key phrases
Is there a moment you cannot forgive? When trust was broken?
Follow-up questions
Tell me what happened. What did you feel back then?
Do you hear this pain? What is happening for you?
Can you say: 'I understand how much it hurt you'?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Attachment injury is a deep wound. Do not rush forgiveness
- ⚠️ It comes as the result of the process, not as its beginning
Source: Makinen, J. & Johnson, S. (2006)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.