Each partner builds a list of concrete acts of care that the other could do. The acts are chosen voluntarily, without coercion or "trade of favors".
Step-by-step guide
- Ask each one to write 5–7 concrete acts that would evoke a feeling of care
- The acts must be positive (what to do, not what not to do)
- Concrete (not "be more attentive", but "ask how the day went")
- Doable — not heroism, but everyday care
- Each one chooses 1–2 acts for the week — voluntarily, without pressure
- After the week, discuss: how did it work? How did it feel — for the giver and for the receiver?
When to use
- When the couple is ready for concrete changes
- After the work on acceptance — not in place of it
Key phrases
Write 5–7 concrete acts that would make you feel cared for.
Follow-up questions
Positive (what to do, not what not to do).
Concrete (not 'be more attentive', but 'ask how the day went').
How did it feel — for the giver and for the receiver?
Warnings
- ⚠️ If the exchange turns into "I gave to you — now you give to me" or into score-keeping — stop. Go back to acceptance
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.