A respectful but direct invitation to see a defense, recognize its cost, and choose whether to keep using it.
Step-by-step guide
- Identify the defense in plain language
- Show how it blocks feeling and help
- Link the defense to suffering
- Ask whether the client wants to keep using it
- Return to the feeling underneath
When to use
- When a defense is visible in session
- When the client can observe themselves
- When pressure alone produces more defense
Key phrases
Do you want to continue using this defense, or look at what is behind it?
Follow-up questions
What does this defense cost you?
How does this keep me from helping you?
Alternative phrasings
I am not against you; I am against the defense that keeps you alone.
Can we set this aside for a moment?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Challenge the defense, not the person
- ⚠️ Do not shame the client
- ⚠️ Do not challenge if anxiety is already dysregulated
Source: Davanloo, H. Frederickson, J. Co-Creating Change
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.