Selecting and assigning concrete paired exercises between sessions: rituals, love map, gratitude, tracking bids.
Step-by-step guide
- Identify the current focus of therapy — which floor of the House are we reinforcing?
- Choose one concrete task, doable for both
- Formulate it clearly: what, when, how often, for how long
- Make sure both partners agree to and understand the task
- In the next session: discuss the experience — what worked? What was difficult?
- Adapt the task based on the results — make it harder or simpler
When to use
- At the end of every session
- As a bridge between sessions
Key phrases
Let's leave today with one small homework — one, not five. Something concrete enough that you will know whether you did it by Thursday. Pair it up: it has to involve both of you.
Follow-up questions
Is this doable in the week you have coming?
What is most likely to get in the way?
How will you know on Sunday whether it happened?
What will we do on Monday if it didn't?
Alternative phrasings
One small homework beats three ambitious ones.
If the task is refused, we choose a smaller one.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Homework should be concrete and doable. "Communicate more" — bad. "20 minutes without screens after dinner" — good.
Source: Gottman J. M. & Gottman J. S. 2015
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.