A structured analysis of a concrete conflict through the lens of the case formulation: how the theme, the trap, and the mutual trap showed up in the concrete situation.
Step-by-step guide
- Ask each one to describe a recent conflict — their own version
- Note: how did the theme (the difference) show up?
- Show the trap: "Here is where you started to polarize — one pushed, the other withdrew"
- Ask about the soft emotions: "What did each of you feel deeper than the anger?"
- Connect with the case formulation: "See — this is the same pattern we described"
- Ask: "What could each of you have done in that moment? Not 'right', but differently?"
When to use
- When the couple brings a concrete conflict to session
- As a regular tool — every session
Key phrases
Describe a recent conflict — your own version.
Follow-up questions
Here is where you started to polarize.
What did each of you feel deeper than the anger?
What could each of you have done in that moment? Not 'right', but differently?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Avoid arbitration — who is right, who is to blame
- ⚠️ Focus on the pattern, not on the content of the conflict
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.