The therapist describes to the client the concrete effect their behavior has on the therapist. The goal is to help the client see: "My actions have consequences for others."
Step-by-step guide
- Notice a concrete behavior of the client and your reaction to it
- Formulate: "When you [concrete behavior] — I feel [concrete emotion]"
- Examples: "When you look at the floor — I feel as if you are leaving me"
- Or: "When you smiled and told me that — I felt happy for you"
- Ask: "Were you aware that this has that effect?"
- Link: "Do you think others near you feel something similar?"
When to use
- Regularly throughout therapy
- Especially when new adaptive behavior appears
Key phrases
When you just did that thing with your voice — dropping it and looking down — I felt you pull away from me. I want you to have that data, because most people feel it and don't name it.
Follow-up questions
Did you know this lands that way?
What do you imagine others feel when you do this?
What happens for you when I tell you?
Is this something you want to keep doing, or to change?
Alternative phrasings
Impact messages work best small and specific.
Not everything I feel is impact material — only what helps you see your effect.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Impact messages are honest, not cruel. The goal is to teach, not to wound.
Source: McCullough, 2006 — DPI
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.