A development of the method by Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin: radical acceptance of all inner parts, including the critic. Instead of fighting "bad" parts — empathy for all. The key stance is Self-in-Presence: gentle listening with equanimity, without preferences.
Step-by-step guide
- Help the client notice a "part" or "something inside": "Something in me feels."
- Invite the stance of Self-in-Presence: "You are the one who notices this part"
- Ask: "How do you feel toward this part? Can you be with it in a friendly way?"
- If there is hostility toward the part — that is another part: "I notice that something does not want to be with this. Can you also be with this?"
- Offer gently, not as questions but as suggestions: "Maybe you could say to this part: I hear you"
- No part is exiled — even the critic gets attention
- Listen to what each part wants to say or what it needs
When to use
- Inner conflict: one part wants one thing, another wants something else
- A strong inner critic — the client is devaluing themselves
- The client is fighting their feelings: "I do not want to feel this"
- Ambivalence: pull and push at the same time
- Work with defense mechanisms — not to remove, but to understand what they protect
Key phrases
Something in me feels. Can you be with this part?
How do you feel toward this sensation? Friendly? Or does something want to drive it away?
No part is "bad". Each came for some reason.
Follow-up questions
Maybe you could say to this part: "I hear you. I am here"?
What does this part want you to know?
What does it need from you right now?
Alternative phrasings
Working with the critic: "I notice the critic. He too is a part. What is he trying to protect?"
For ambivalence: "One part wants to leave, the other wants to stay. Can you be with both?"
For suppressed feelings: "Something inside does not want you to feel this. What if you stayed with this 'don't want' too?"
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not confuse with IFS — IRF does not build a formal system of parts
- ⚠️ Soft offers, not questions — so as not to intrude on the process
- ⚠️ If the client cannot be "friendly" with a part — that is information, not a problem
- ⚠️ The process can be slow — respect the client's pace
Source: Cornell A.W. McGavin B. Inner Relationship Focusing; Cornell A.W. Focusing in Clinical Practice
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.