In collaborative therapy the therapist regularly "steps out" into a meta-position and talks with the client about the conversation itself: how it is going, what is happening, what is useful, what is not. This is not a standard end-of-session feedback, but a living, in-session dialogue about the process. Anderson (1997) called it the "conversation about the conversation" — a way to keep mutuality and prevent monologuing. Such meta-communication also offers the client to choose the direction of the work themselves.
Step-by-step guide
- Periodically during the session: "I want to stop and ask — is this conversation going in a useful direction?"
- At the sense of an impasse: "Something in our conversation feels off to me. Do you notice it too?"
- At the end of every session: ask about the process, not only the content
- Use the client's feedback to change the format of the conversation
- Be ready to change direction if the client says "this is not useful"
When to use
- At impasses in the session or the sense that the conversation is "stalling"
- At planned check-ins: "how is the work with me?"
- At turning points or after important sessions
- When the client seems unsatisfied but does not say so
Key phrases
Before we move on — how is this conversation for you? Is this what you need?
I think we have lost ourselves a little. Where, do you think, should we come back to?
Follow-up questions
What of what we discussed today will turn out to be most useful?
Is there anything we talked about not the way you would have liked?
If you could change something in our conversation — what would it be?
Alternative phrasings
How is what is happening between us in this session for you?
What will you take with you today — what was important?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Meta-communication can be heard as avoiding responsibility ("decide for yourself what you need")
- ⚠️ It is important to offer it as a joint choice, not to put it on the client
- ⚠️ Do not overdo it — too frequent meta-pauses break the flow of the conversation
Source: Anderson, H. 1997; Anderson, H. & Gehart, D. 2007
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.