A structured interview about the history of the relationship that allows the couple's foundation to be assessed by HOW they tell their story.
Step-by-step guide
- Ask the couple to tell the story of the relationship: "How did you meet?"
- "What attracted you to each other?"
- "What is the hardest period you went through together? How did you cope?"
- Observe: warmth or bitterness? "We" or "he/she"? Support or interruption?
- Assess: positive revision of the history (good prognosis) or negative (warning sign)
- Use the result for the treatment plan
When to use
- In the first joint session (assessment)
- To understand the prognosis of the relationship
Key phrases
Tell me the story of your relationship — how you met, what drew you in, the first hard time you got through together. I'm less listening for the facts and more for the music of how you tell it.
Follow-up questions
What do you remember loving most in the early days?
What was the first real storm, and how did you weather it?
What are you proud of, looking back?
What do you miss from an earlier time?
Alternative phrasings
If the telling feels rehearsed, we slow it and dwell on one scene.
Both tellings matter — we listen to each side.
Warnings
- ⚠️ HOW the couple tells the story predicts the future. Bitterness and disappointment in the recollections are a serious signal.
Source: Gottman J. & Krokoff L. 1989; Buehlman, Gottman & Katz, 1992
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.