Relationship Questions / Perspective-Taking Questions — The Bruges Model

The therapist invites the client to look at the situation through the eyes of a significant other — partner, child, friend. This strengthens motivation when the client sees themselves from the outside, and helps to specify the preferred future through observable changes in relationships. Relationship questions are a systemic component of the Bruges Model, borrowed from systemic psychotherapy.

Step-by-step guide

Choose a significant other together with the client
Ask the question from their perspective: "If your wife were here, what would she say about you?"
Inquire what the significant other will notice on a change
Use the answer to specify the goal
If needed — bring in the "real voice" of the significant other (invite them to a session)

When to use

When the goal is unclear or abstract — to specify it through relationships
Under high family tension around the problem
To strengthen motivation through the perspective of close ones
When the client loses the meaning of the changes — to recall the impact on important people

Key phrases

What will your partner notice when something changes?

If your children could speak here — what is important to them?

Follow-up questions

What would your closest friend say if they saw you in a year?

What, do you think, would your partner most want to see different?

What should happen for this person to see the difference?

Alternative phrasings

Picture that you are looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. What do they see?

If a person you trust were describing your strengths — what would they say?

Warnings

⚠️ Do not use as pressure ("for the sake of the family") — the client's stance comes first
⚠️ Do not substitute the client's own motivation with the expectations of others
⚠️ With high guilt — use carefully, so as not to amplify self-blame

Source: Isebaert, 2016; the systemic component of the Bruges Model