REBT works at two levels of problem: the philosophical (IBs) and the practical (skill deficit). When the problem is partly caused by a real lack of skills (inability to say "no", awkwardness in communication), REBT includes behavioral training: assertiveness, social skills, problem solving. It is important to distinguish a skill deficit from avoidance driven by an IB.
Step-by-step guide
- Diagnose: is this a skill deficit, or is it an IB blocking the use of existing skills?
- If the deficit is real — explain the technique of a concrete skill (assertive refusal, active listening)
- Modeling: the therapist demonstrates the skill
- Role play in session: the client practices the skill with feedback
- In parallel, dispute the IBs that may obstruct the use of the skill ("if I say no, he will hate me")
- Behavioral homework: apply the skill in a real situation
- Debrief the outcome in the next session
When to use
- In social anxiety when a skill deficit has been confirmed
- In passivity, inability to set limits (assertiveness)
- In conflict or professional problems requiring communication skills
Key phrases
You understand what you want to say, but you don't know how. Let us practice.
Show me how you usually refuse — and we will see what can be improved.
This is a skill, like driving. Knowing does not replace practice — you have to do it.
Follow-up questions
Did you try this in the week? What worked? What can be improved?
Was it the IB that got in the way, or simply unfamiliarity? That's important to distinguish.
Let us review a concrete situation and practice it again.
Alternative phrasings
First, model — then rehearse — then try it in life. Skip a step and it stays theoretical.
Is it 'I don't know how' or 'I don't dare'? The answer changes the whole plan.
Give feedback on the 'how' — tone, pace, body — not only on the words.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not replace the philosophical work on IBs with skill training — the IB will remain and neutralize the skill
- ⚠️ Make sure the skill is truly absent, not blocked by anxiety
- ⚠️ Role play should be realistic enough to produce some stress
Source: Ellis, A. & MacLaren, C. (2005); REBT practical problem solving techniques
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.