Discord is the moment when therapist and client find themselves on different shores: the client feels pressured, misunderstood, or not heard. This is a disturbance of the therapeutic relationship, not a trait of the client's character. Signals: interrupting, going off topic, going silent, attacking. The key: discord is a signal to change course, not to increase pressure.
Step-by-step guide
- Simple reflection — reflect what the client said, without evaluation
- Amplified reflection — exaggerate the client's viewpoint; they will move to the other side
- Double-sided reflection — hear both sides
- Shift of focus — switch to a different theme or angle
- Emphasizing autonomy — directly acknowledge the client's right to decide
- Coming alongside — stand on the client's side
When to use
- In rising resistance, interruptions, aggression
- When the client says: "You don't understand me"
- In mandated referrals (court, employer)
- When the pace of the conversation is too fast
Key phrases
It seems I am moving too fast. Let's slow down.
Follow-up questions
You know your life better than I do. No one can make you do what you do not want.
Alternative phrasings
Maybe I have misunderstood. Tell me how you see it.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not argue, do not persuade, do not insist — that increases discord
- ⚠️ Do not ignore the signals of discord — they grow
- ⚠️ Avoid the "righting reflex" — the wish to explain the right answer
Source: Miller & Rollnick, 2013
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.