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Kids' Skills

Kids' Skills
«Turn a problem into a skill a child can learn.»
Definition

Kids' Skills is a child-friendly solution-focused method. A problem is reformulated as a skill the child can learn. When the skill grows, the problem loses its place. The language is deliberately hopeful: not 'you are aggressive' but 'you are learning the skill of calming your hands'; not 'you are afraid' but 'you are learning the skill of brave bedtime'.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Founders and history

The method was created by Finnish psychiatrist Ben Furman, co-founder of the It developed from solution-focused work with children and families and was organized into a clear fifteen-step process in the early 2000s. The method is used in schools, kindergartens, family work and child therapy, with group adaptations such as Skillful Class.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Key concepts

The key idea is skill language. The child chooses a skill, explores its benefits, gives it a motivating name, chooses a power creature or symbol, recruits supporters, practices in small ways and celebrates success. Supporters praise attempts, progress and results. Setbacks are normalized: the skill fell asleep and can be woken up again.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Therapy format

Work is short, concrete and collaborative. A practitioner usually meets with the child and caregivers, sometimes with teachers. Young children use drawings, play, stories and power creatures. School-age children can follow the full fifteen steps. Adolescents need less childish language, more autonomy and celebrations that feel respectful rather than cute.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Evidence base

Kids' Skills belongs to the broader solution-focused family. Research on solution-focused brief therapy with children supports its use for behavioral and emotional difficulties, while the specific Kids' Skills protocol is supported mainly by practice-based evidence, educational use and clinical reports from Finland and other countries.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Limitations

The method depends on adult participation. Without parents, teachers or other supporters, the social reinforcement around the skill is weak. It is not a stand-alone treatment for severe trauma, psychosis, severe autism-related needs or high-risk family situations. The playful elements must be culturally and developmentally adapted so the child does not feel patronized.

Clinical note: keep the work concrete, collaborative and paced. The page intentionally mirrors the Russian source structure while presenting the material in English for the .com library.

Turn the problem into a skill

The first step is the whole method in miniature. The adult asks what the child needs to learn so the problem can become smaller. The formulation must be positive, concrete and useful: 'waiting for my turn', 'using calm hands', 'asking before taking', 'sleeping bravely'.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Agree on the skill

The child must have a real say. Adults can offer options, but ownership belongs to the child. A skill chosen only by adults quickly becomes another behavior plan. A skill chosen by the child can become a project.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Explore benefits

Motivation grows when the child sees who will benefit and how life will be different. The practitioner asks what will change at home, at school, with friends and inside the child. The answers become reasons to practice.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Name the skill

Naming turns the skill into something alive and memorable. Children may choose names such as Calm Lion, Listening Power, Brave Bedtime or Quiet Hands. The name should be theirs, not clinically correct.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Choose a power creature

A power creature, hero, animal or symbol helps younger children remember the skill. It externalizes encouragement and gives the child a playful ally. For older children this can become a mascot, logo, song or private symbol.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Recruit supporters

Supporters are real people who notice, encourage and remind. The child chooses them when possible. Their task is not control; it is confidence. They praise attempts, progress and results, and they help wake the skill after setbacks.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Build confidence

The practitioner asks what already shows the child can learn this skill. Supporters add reasons they believe in the child. Confidence is built from evidence, not empty reassurance.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Plan the celebration

Celebration is planned early so practice has a hopeful destination. It can be small or large, private or shared. The point is recognition: the child's learning matters and the support team will notice it.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Define and demonstrate the skill

The skill has to be visible. The child shows what it looks like through role-play, drawing, puppets or a small scene. This makes practice concrete before real-life difficulty appears.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Make it public enough

The child decides who should know about the skill. A public announcement can build support and responsibility, but it must never shame the child. The method uses visibility as encouragement, not exposure.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Practice with triple praise

Practice happens in everyday life. Adults praise attempts, progress and results. Praising only perfect success is a mistake; the attempt is already learning.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Prepare for setbacks

Setbacks are normal. The practitioner asks what the child will do if the skill falls asleep. This turns relapse into a plan rather than failure.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Celebrate and thank supporters

When the skill is learned, the child celebrates and thanks helpers. Gratitude strengthens relationships and marks the learning as real.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Teach the skill to others

Teaching another child consolidates mastery. The child becomes a helper, not a former problem.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Move to the next skill

One learned skill creates confidence for the next. The cycle becomes: I can learn, people can help me, and change can be celebrated.

"What would be useful to notice here?"

Practical cue: name the process in simple language, stay close to observable behavior, and avoid turning the method into jargon.

Converting the Problem into a SkillConverting the Problem into a Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Converting the Problem into a Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by converting the problem into a skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Agreeing on the Skill to LearnAgreeing on the Skill to Learn

A Kids' Skills intervention: Agreeing on the Skill to Learn. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by agreeing on the skill to learn.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Exploring the Benefits of the SkillExploring the Benefits of the Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Exploring the Benefits of the Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by exploring the benefits of the skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Naming the SkillNaming the Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Naming the Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by naming the skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Choosing a Power CreatureChoosing a Power Creature

A Kids' Skills intervention: Choosing a Power Creature. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by choosing a power creature.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Recruiting SupportersRecruiting Supporters

A Kids' Skills intervention: Recruiting Supporters. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by recruiting supporters.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Building ConfidenceBuilding Confidence

A Kids' Skills intervention: Building Confidence. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by building confidence.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Planning How to CelebratePlanning How to Celebrate

A Kids' Skills intervention: Planning How to Celebrate. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by planning how to celebrate.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Defining the SkillDefining the Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Defining the Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by defining the skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Going PublicGoing Public

A Kids' Skills intervention: Going Public. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by going public.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Practicing the SkillPracticing the Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Practicing the Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by practicing the skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Celebrating SuccessCelebrating Success

A Kids' Skills intervention: Celebrating Success. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by celebrating success.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Moving On to the Next SkillMoving On to the Next Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Moving On to the Next Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by moving on to the next skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Reminding the ChildReminding the Child

A Kids' Skills intervention: Reminding the Child. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by reminding the child.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Passing the Skill OnPassing the Skill On

A Kids' Skills intervention: Passing the Skill On. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by passing the skill on.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Reminding About the SkillReminding About the Skill

A Kids' Skills intervention: Reminding About the Skill. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by reminding about the skill.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Teaching the Skill to OthersTeaching the Skill to Others

A Kids' Skills intervention: Teaching the Skill to Others. It turns a child's difficulty into a learnable skill and uses naming, supporters, practice and celebration to build motivation.

  • Translate the issue into the skill addressed by teaching the skill to others.
  • Let the child participate in naming or choosing the skill.
  • Ask who can support practice in a concrete, encouraging way.
  • Plan a small visible practice step.
  • Notice attempts, progress and success without shaming setbacks.

When to use:

  • When a child needs a hopeful skill-based frame.
  • When parents or teachers can support practice.
  • When the problem can be translated into observable learning.

Key phrases:

What skill would help this problem become smaller?

Follow-up questions:

What did you notice in the moment?
What would be the smallest useful next step?

Warnings:

  • ⚠️ Do not impose adult wording if the child has not owned the skill.
  • ⚠️ Do not praise only perfect success.
  • ⚠️ Do not use playful language in a way that patronizes an older child.

Furman (2004, 2016); solution-focused child work

Checklist has not been added yet.

📋 Structured diary
Skills Diary

Kids' Skills turns problems into skills that can be learned.

By practicing the skill and noticing progress, you see growth.

Write down the skill -> practice -> result -> who noticed.

Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.