Training in healthy communication: expressing needs, saying no and protecting boundaries without aggression or passivity. DEAR MAN includes Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident and Negotiate. Assertiveness is not rudeness; it is balanced self-respect.
Step-by-step guide
- Identify a concrete recent situation where the client was not assertive.
- Explain passive, aggressive and assertive styles.
- Apply DEAR MAN to the situation.
- Rehearse with role play across several rounds.
- Assign one real-life practice step.
- Review what happened in the next session.
When to use
- Social anxiety and difficulty saying no
- Passivity in relationships
- Boundary violations
- Accumulated anger from constant accommodation
- Depression with marked passivity
Key phrases
Being assertive is not being aggressive. It is telling the truth with respect. Let's practice saying no firmly and politely.
Follow-up questions
D: describe objectively. E: express feeling. A: ask directly. R: reinforce why it matters.
The first no will be scary. The second is easier. The third becomes familiar.
Assertiveness is not about winning; it is about respecting yourself.
Alternative phrasings
Use GIVE when the relationship matters: Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner.
Keep the refusal brief and clear.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not confuse assertiveness with aggression.
- ⚠️ Cultural context matters.
- ⚠️ People used to the client's passivity may react negatively; prepare support.
- ⚠️ Use caution with histories of violence or coercive relationships.
Source: Alberti & Emmons, 1974; Linehan, 1993
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.