A joint exploration of the habitual way of organizing experience: how the client automatically structures their world, what they notice, what they ignore, how they react.
Step-by-step guide
- From observation — a hypothesis about the strategy: self-reliant, dependent, and so on
- Explore through mindfulness: "How do you usually respond when someone offers you help?"
- A probe tied to the strategy: "You can accept help"
- Observe the reaction: what happens in the body, in the feelings?
- Name the resource of the strategy: "Your self-reliance is your strength"
- And its cost: "But what do you lose? What becomes impossible because of this?"
When to use
- After several sessions, when the pattern becomes visible
- To deepen understanding, in recurring difficulties in relationships
Key phrases
I think I am beginning to see a pattern in how you meet the world. It probably helped you a lot at some point. I want to understand it with you — what it gives, and what it costs — rather than label it.
Follow-up questions
When did this way of being become useful?
What does it still protect you from?
What is the price you pay for keeping it?
If the strategy relaxed by 10%, what might be possible?
Alternative phrasings
Strategies are not diagnoses. They are more like clothes the psyche learned to wear.
If the word I'm using doesn't fit, you tell me — we'll find a better one together.
Warnings
- ⚠️ This is not a diagnosis. Say "a part of you" or "a habitual way", not "your type".
- ⚠️ Always with respect for the adaptation: "This was wise then".
Source: Kurtz, 1990; Kurtz & Prestera, 1976
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.