Van Deurzen follows the existential-philosophical tradition, viewing death, freedom, loneliness, and meaninglessness as irreducible "givens" of human existence. Psychological growth is linked not with avoiding these givens but with developing a conscious relation to them. Crises are seen as potential breakthrough points: "a crisis is a possible breakthrough". A meeting with a given activates existential anxiety right in the session.
Step-by-step guide
- Identify which given the client has met or is actively avoiding meeting
- Create space for naming it directly — without softening or evasive maneuvers
- Inquire how the client has so far coped with this given: avoidance, rationalization, acceptance
- Help to find a new, more conscious relation: not resignation, but integration — the ability to hold the given as part of life
- Inquire what opens in the client's life when they stop spending energy on avoidance
When to use
- When working with loss, severe illness, an existential crisis
- With the fear of death — one's own or close ones'
- With the experience of meaninglessness and depressive hopelessness
- With the avoidance of responsibility and shifting the authorship of one's life
- With existential loneliness and isolation
Key phrases
It looks as if you have long been avoiding meeting what frightens you most. What would happen if you looked at it directly?
Follow-up questions
You say everything is meaningless. What would have to be there for life to gain meaning?
The awareness that everything will one day end — how does that change the way you live today?
No one can live this for you. How are you with that?
Alternative phrasings
This is what every human being meets. How have you so far coped with it?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Confrontation with the givens must be timely — the client must be in a sufficiently stable state
- ⚠️ Do not turn it into a philosophical lecture — the givens are named only when the client has already come close to them
- ⚠️ With suicidal thoughts — observe safety protocols; confrontation with the givens does not replace crisis intervention
Source: van Deurzen E. 1997, 2002, 2012, 2015
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.