Teaching partners the skill of validation: acknowledging the other's feelings as understandable and well-grounded, even if you do not agree with the position. "I see how much it hurts you. That is understandable".
Step-by-step guide
- Explain: validation is not agreement with the position, but acknowledgment of the feelings
- Show the formula: "I see that you feel X. That is understandable, because."
- Demonstrate in session: "[Name], you feel hurt right now. Of course — when the partner does not respond, that hurts"
- Ask the partner to try: "Say to them: 'I see how much it hurts you'"
- Discuss the difference: validation vs "You are right" vs "Calm down, everything is fine"
- Homework: in the week, validate the partner's emotion at least once — even if you do not agree
When to use
- At any stage
- Especially when partners devalue each other's feelings
Key phrases
I see that you feel X. That is understandable, because.
Follow-up questions
[Name], you feel hurt right now. Of course — when the partner does not respond, that hurts.
Say to them: 'I see how much it hurts you'.
Validation is not 'You are right'. It is acknowledgment of the feelings.
Warnings
- ⚠️ If the partner uses validation mechanically, without emotional engagement — go back to working with their own emotions
Source: Johnson, S. (2004)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.