A specialized EMDR protocol for processing grief and loss. Unlike the standard protocol, it does not aim to "erase" the pain — the goal is to reintegrate it into the client's life so that they can keep living with the memory of the loss without paralyzing distress. Target images include the moment of realizing the death, traumatic scenes, regrets, unfinished conversations. The PC is formulated not as a denial of the reality of the loss but as integration: "I can carry this pain and keep living".
Step-by-step guide
- History: how long the grief has lasted, was the death expected, are there resourceful memories
- Define target images: the moment of realization, traumatic scenes, regrets, the unfinished
- NC: often "It is my fault" or "I should have been there" or "Without him/her there is no meaning"
- PC: "I did what I could" or "I can carry this pain and keep living"
- Process each image in sequence
- Long work: months, not weeks
When to use
- Grief and loss — the loss of a loved one
- Unresolved grief, "stuck" mourning
- Traumatic death (sudden, violent, suicide)
- Regrets, the feeling of guilt over the loss
Key phrases
We are not erasing your love for them. We are processing the pain of the loss so you can carry this memory without such disturbance.
Follow-up questions
This image is very vivid and painful right now. After processing, it will remain a memory but the pain will be less
The aim is not to forget but to give you the ability to remember without suffering
Alternative phrasings
You want to carry this love — and to have the strength to live. This is possible.
Warnings
- ⚠️ The protocol is long — 6–20+ sessions, do not force it
- ⚠️ The PC does not deny the reality of the loss — it integrates it
- ⚠️ SUD = 1–2 at the end of mourning is normal — full "0" may not be the goal
Source: Luber, 2005; Shapiro, 2018
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.