Identifying recurring patterns in the client's life as reflections of their fundamental existential choices. Yalom shows that when a client gets into the same situations again and again, this is not accident and not "fate" — it is an unconscious choice. Awareness of one's role in the pattern is a shift from victim position to authorship.
Step-by-step guide
- Collect the patterns: "I notice this is repeating. Let's look at it together"
- Make it concrete: when exactly did this pattern begin? How does it look?
- Explore the client's role: "What did you do or not do in each of these cases?"
- Link to a basic choice or belief: "What does this say about what you believe?"
- Open a possibility of change: "What would be different if you chose otherwise?"
When to use
- Recurring problems in relationships (the same conflicts again and again)
- Patterns in career (firings, conflicts with management)
- The feeling of "the same again" despite external changes
- The client complains of "bad luck" or "fate"
- Long-term therapy with accumulated material
Key phrases
This is the third time we notice this in our conversation. What if this is not an accident?
Follow-up questions
When did you first notice this pattern in your life?
What was common in all these situations?
If it is a choice — then what are you choosing? Why?
Alternative phrasings
"If your life were a book — what would the chapter about this pattern be called?"
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not use as accusation: "You create this yourself" — that destroys the alliance
- ⚠️ Some patterns have objective external causes — do not ignore them
- ⚠️ Prepare the ground gradually: this is an interpretation that requires trust
Source: Yalom, 1980 — Existential Psychotherapy; Yalom, 2002 — The Gift of Therapy
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.