A structured inquiry into the partner's inner world through questions about dreams, fears, stressors, and preferences. The first floor of the Sound Relationship House.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain: the love map is how well you know your partner's inner world
- Ask questions in turn: "What worries your partner most right now?"
- "What is your partner's biggest dream? And their strongest fear?"
- "Name your partner's three best friends"
- Discuss the result: what matched, what came as a discovery
- Give a homework task: update the map — one question a day
When to use
- Early in therapy for intimacy assessment
- Regularly to strengthen the first floor of the House
Key phrases
I'll ask each of you a few questions about the other. No prep, no peeking. The goal is not a quiz — it's to see where the map is rich and where it has blank spots we can start to fill in.
Follow-up questions
What is the most stressful thing at your partner's work right now?
What did your partner dream of as a child?
Who are your partner's three closest people, besides you?
What would your partner want to change in their life?
Alternative phrasings
If neither of you can answer, that is information, not failure — it is where we start.
The map is updated through daily bids, not through quiz nights.
Warnings
- ⚠️ If the partners do not know the answers — that is not a reason for shame, but a starting point. The reaction to not-knowing matters more than the not-knowing itself.
Source: Gottman J. 1999 — The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.