A technique that shows the client that their state, feelings, and behavior are a normal reaction to the situation. This is not a defect of personality but a natural human response. Often it is literally one sentence, but it can free the client from shame.
Step-by-step guide
- The client describes something they are ashamed of ("I yell at my children")
- Do not justify right away and do not moralize
- Normalize: "This is a completely normal reaction. Many parents under stress." or "When people are in despair, they often."
- Move to action: "What helps you cope better?"
When to use
- Working with a client who feels "strange", "wrong", ashamed
- A client with shame (about an affair, neglect, taboo behavior)
- Strange thoughts, images, impulses (in OCD, anxiety, trauma)
- Unwanted behavior (breakdowns, leaving, violence)
- Coping through compulsions (alcohol, drugs, pornography)
- Trauma ("I cannot look people in the eye")
Key phrases
This is a completely normal reaction to what you are going through
I often hear the same thing from people in a similar situation
It does not mean that you are a bad person — it means that you are under stress
Follow-up questions
This is a very common thought when a person is in depression
People often imagine the worst when they are anxious
This is a normal way of coping when there are no other tools
Relief and guilt often go side by side in such situations
After trauma, numbness often appears — it is a protective reaction
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not justify the behavior — "Your violence is normal" — no. The reaction is normal, the behavior is not
- ⚠️ Do not reinforce dysfunction — "Many people in depression live like this" can close the topic. After normalizing: "Let us see how this might change"
- ⚠️ Be sincere — if you say "this is normal" but think "this is awful", the client will feel the inauthenticity
Source: de Shazer (an idealistic view of the client as a normal person in an abnormal situation)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.