Instead of confronting defenses (as in ISTDP) — creating such safety and contact that defenses become unnecessary and dissolve on their own.
Step-by-step guide
- Notice the defense: intellectualization, jokes, changing the subject, minimization
- Do NOT confront. Instead — strengthen safety
- Say: "I notice it is hard to stay with this. That makes sense"
- Add presence: "You don't have to manage this alone"
- Invite gently: "If you allowed yourself to feel — what would be there?"
- If the defense softens — follow the affect. If not — stay in contact
When to use
- When the client moves away from feeling, or intellectualization blocks the process
- Early in therapy, while trust is still forming
Key phrases
I notice we just stepped sideways, and that's completely understandable — it got close to something real. You don't have to manage that alone. Let's slow down here together.
Follow-up questions
What would be there, if the explanation softened for a moment?
What would you need in order to let the feeling come a little closer?
Which part of you wanted to change the subject? Can we thank it?
What is safe enough to stay with, right now?
Alternative phrasings
Defenses are wise. We are not fighting them — we are making them less necessary.
If you cannot feel it yet, we stay with the image of the feeling — that is still contact.
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not fight the defenses.
- ⚠️ In AEDP, defenses are a sign that more safety is needed, not more pressure.
Source: Fosha, 2000; Fosha, 2017
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.