Structured practice of communication with clear roles: the speaker expresses feelings from "I", the listener paraphrases and validates. Builds the skill of hearing without defending.
Step-by-step guide
- Explain the rules: one speaks, the other listens. Then they switch
- Speaker: speaks from "I" (I feel, I need), describes the concrete situation, does not blame
- Listener: listens without interrupting, paraphrases what was heard, validates the feelings
- Check: "Did I understand correctly? You feel. because."
- The speaker confirms or clarifies
- Switch roles. Discuss: what was hard? What new did you hear?
When to use
- When the couple cannot listen to each other
- When conversations quickly turn into blame
Key phrases
One speaks, the other listens. Then you switch.
Follow-up questions
Speak from 'I'. Describe a concrete situation. Do not blame.
Did I understand correctly? You feel. because.
What was hard? What new did you hear?
Warnings
- ⚠️ If the listener begins to defend or counter-attack — gently bring them back to the rules
- ⚠️ This is a skill, it requires practice
Source: Jacobson, N. & Christensen, A. (1996)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.