A written practice in which the client writes a letter to themselves from the position of the compassionate self or an imagined wise, kind friend. Researched in an RCT by Gilbert & Procter. The letter draws on the three components of compassion: acknowledging suffering, understanding without judgment, motivation to relieve. The letter format helps to hold the voice of the compassionate self — the text remains as a resource to return to.
Step-by-step guide
- Lead SRB and "step into" the position of the compassionate self
- Pick a theme: a specific difficulty, mistake, painful situation
- Write a letter from the compassionate self to the suffering part
- In the letter: acknowledge the pain, normalize, express support, offer wisdom
- Reread the letter slowly — what do you notice?
- Discuss the experience in session
When to use
- With high shame and self-blame
- After difficult events or mistakes
- As homework between sessions
- When access to compassion is hard verbally
Key phrases
Let us try to write a letter — as if you are a wise, kind friend who knows this situation well. What would this friend write to you? Begin by acknowledging: yes, this really is hard.
Follow-up questions
Read the letter slowly — what do you notice?
Alternative phrasings
You can begin like this: "Dear [name], I see that you are having a very hard time right now."
Warnings
- ⚠️ Clients may slip back into the critical voice unintentionally — track and gently redirect
- ⚠️ Some find it easier to write in the third person
- ⚠️ With dissociation — work in session, not as homework
Source: Gilbert P. & Procter S. 2006
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.