In classical Milwaukee SFBT, compliments are not flattery but recognition of the client's concrete resources, actions, and competencies. They close the session and consolidate the awareness: "You are already using these strengths — keep going".
Step-by-step guide
- After the break (if there is one) or at the end of the session
- Begin with observations made in the session: "I am impressed."
- Point to concrete actions: "..that you booked this appointment and came despite being busy"
- Tie it to resources: "That speaks to your willpower and responsibility"
- Several compliments may be given (3–5)
When to use
- Mostly at the end of the session (after the break), but possible during the work too
- The end of the first session (mandatory)
- A Visualizer-type client ("I can and I cannot") — needs a demonstration of competencies
- A demoralized client — needs to recover faith in themselves
- A follow-up session after a first one in which the client was uncertain
Key phrases
I am impressed that you found the strength to come here, despite the pain
I see that you are a very responsible person — you came to the meeting even in this state
It is striking that you keep trying despite the disappointments
Follow-up questions
How do you manage to stay so strong in this situation?
Where do you draw the patience to care for your children like that?
Alternative phrasings
I noticed that you listen very attentively to [your spouse], that matters
It is clear that you value the relationship, since you agreed to come together
What would you say about yourself, given how you are getting through this? (a self-compliment by the client, a BRIEF variant)
I can see that the mother is very worried about her son, and the son understands that (a family compliment)
It is clear that you have already noticed an exception, when things were better at the weekend — that is a valuable observation (a resource compliment)
Warnings
- ⚠️ Not flattery — "You have very beautiful hair" and so on. That is not resources, that is a compliment in the ordinary sense
- ⚠️ Not generic — "You are a wonderful person" is bland. Be concrete: "I am impressed that you."
- ⚠️ Not criticism in the guise of a compliment — "Good that you are finally doing something" — a hidden attack
Source: de Shazer, Berg (classical Milwaukee SFBT)
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.