Working with Introjects

An introject is an idea, belief, or voice the client has swallowed from others without digesting. "I have to be the perfect mother" (mother's voice), "Men don't cry" (father's voice). The work: identify whose voice it is, separate it from one's own, decide — keep it or spit it out. Beneath the introjects, one's own voice is found.

Step-by-step guide

1. Listen to the belief: "I should not ask for help"
2. Question: "Whose voice is this? Where did it come from?"
3. The client often knows at once: "My mother's. She always said."
4. Reversal: "Be your mother. Say this belief in her voice. Why did she say it?"
5. Dialogue: "Now be yourself. What do you want to answer to your mother?"
6. Choice: "Is this your belief or hers? Do you want to keep it or let it go?"

When to use

• Perfectionism: "I must be perfect" — where is this voice from?
• A ban on needs: "My needs do not matter" — whose voice is that?
• Gender roles: "A man should not be vulnerable"
• A ban on emotions: "I should not cry, be angry, be afraid"
• An impossible standard of success: "I will never be good enough"

Key phrases

Follow-up questions

Alternative phrasings