Building the capacity to choose actions that work (even when they are not "right" or do not match the sense of fairness), instead of clinging to principles at any cost. It is a pragmatic choice: stepping back from a confrontation if the goal is to keep the relationship, even when the client was right. The focus shifts from "who is right" to "what helps reach the goal".
Step-by-step guide
- Decide what you want to achieve in this concrete situation
- Set the question of fairness aside
- Ask: which action is most likely to lead to the goal?
- Do that action, even if it is not the most "right"
- Evaluate the result: did it work?
When to use
- In interpersonal conflict
- In pride and the inability to compromise
- In dyadic relationships with highly sensitive partners
- When the client is stuck in "I am right"
- As part of working on commitment to change
Key phrases
What do you really need in this situation? Now set fairness aside for a moment. What will actually work?
Follow-up questions
If the goal is to keep the relationship, which action leads there?
Maybe it is worth conceding on a small thing to get the main one?
What matters more: being right or getting the result?
Alternative phrasings
Imagine: a year from now, what will matter more — that you were right, or that the situation was resolved?
Which action helps your life right now?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Do not use it to justify giving up boundaries or submitting to abuse
- ⚠️ In trauma, take care — do not push compliance with a perpetrator
- ⚠️ Requires prior work with self-respect, otherwise it turns into mere submission
Source: Linehan, M. M. (1993, 2015). Adapted from a dialectical approach
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.