When working with couples, families, or groups, the therapist takes the position of "on each one's side at the same time" — as opposed to neutrality (being on no one's side) or partiality (being on someone's side). Multi-partiality means that the therapist deeply understands and respects the perspective of every participant in the conversation, without merging with any of them. It is an active, engaged presence — for everyone and with each one. Each participant must feel they were heard.
Step-by-step guide
- Accept that every participant in the conversation has their own truth, worthy of being understood
- When working with several people — give full attention to each one's perspective in turn
- Refrain from choosing "whose side" or making generalizations ("you both do.")
- When someone pushes you to take their side — name it: "I want to make sure I understand each of you"
- At the end of the session: check with each one whether they felt understood
When to use
- In family and couple therapy as a base stance
- In situations of conflict between people
- When working with children and parents at the same time
- When one client is in conflict with a system (school, work, hospital)
Key phrases
I want to make sure I hear each of you — without choosing anyone's side.
How do you see this from your side? (to each in turn)
Follow-up questions
Both perspectives make sense to me. Tell me more about yours.
What is important for me to understand in your position?
Did you feel heard today?
Alternative phrasings
I hear both of you — and what you are saying matters for both.
Before we move on — does it seem that I understood your position?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Multi-partiality does not mean relativism in situations of violence or abuse — there the therapist takes the side of safety
- ⚠️ Do not confuse with neutrality — multi-partiality is active, not indifferent
- ⚠️ Hard to hold under high conflict — requires regular supervision
Source: Anderson, H. 1997; Anderson, H. & Gehart, D. 2007
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.