The therapist closely follows the micro-changes in the client: a slight tremor, a shift in breathing, a glance, a change of tone. Instead of following the content of the story, the therapist follows the process — what is actually happening right now. This is congruence: the words say one thing, the body — another. The mismatch is the point of entry.
Step-by-step guide
- The client speaks; the therapist listens not to the words but to the process
- The client: "I was not angry at all" — but the voice trembles
- The therapist: "I notice that as you say this, your voice changes. What is that?"
- The client stops, becomes aware of the actual state
- Work begins from what is real, not from what is being declared
When to use
- Words diverge from the body: "I love him, but." (a sigh, dropped shoulders)
- Avoidance: the client speaks of a deep theme quickly and at a distance
- An unconscious movement: the client is doing something with their hand without noticing
- A subtle shift toward better: a shoulder relaxes, breathing changes
Key phrases
I notice that as you talk about this, your fists clench. What is happening?
Follow-up questions
Your breathing changed. You started breathing twice as fast. What is that?
Your voice becomes very small. Like a whisper. What is trying to hide?
I see tears. Maybe something important is happening now? Let us slow down here.
Alternative phrasings
Am I seeing it right? How do you yourself feel it now?
Warnings
- ⚠️ Not every tremor matters — do not overdo
- ⚠️ Avoid an accusatory tone: "you are lying" — instead, curiosity
- ⚠️ Check with the client: "Am I seeing this right?" instead of interpreting
Source: Yontef, 1993; Perls, 1969; Hycner & Jacobs, 1995
Materials are informational and educational and summarize publicly available scientific sources. They are not medical or psychological advice, are not intended for self-diagnosis or self-treatment, and do not replace consultation with a qualified professional.